Ahhh, Behold Its Beauty!!

Smoking, among other things, is a favored bromantic past time of the Bren and Sven team. Now please note that it is a pastime and not an addiction, we are in no way advocating smoking, and believe that the over indulgence of any vice, especially smoking, is not the way to go about enjoying life.

Now that we have gotten past the boring public service announcement, let us talk pipes. Yes, like in the picture of the two old dudes on the “What is BrenandSven” page, both Sven and I have briar pipes from which we enjoy smoking tobacco. For anyone who wishes to indulge in the wonders of the brenandsven lifestyle a pipe is a must have. Honestly, if you think about it, what is better in life than to pull over after a long bike ride, pull out your pipe, tamp in you tobacco and enjoy a long drag. Now some of you may be thinking, “Hmm the birth of my first born child might be better than a smoke”, or “the process of making that first born child might be better than a smoke”, but you’re dead wrong and obviously have not tried a pipe! So, since I have convinced you that a drag from a pipe after a bike ride is better than sex, and more fulfilling that raising a child, I’m sure you’re eager to find out any information  possible about how to get these little wooden bowls of bliss. Ask and ye shall receive!

Since I can’t tell if you asked (this isn’t a live chat in case you have not noticed), and have already written a lot to set this up, I’ll assume you said something along the lines of “Oh hell yes please tell me all about the awesome briar pipe!”, and I will.  This first step along the path of bliss is picking the right pipe for you. To do this I would recommend you stop by your local cigar shop (or tobacconist, if you hail from the area our two pipe tokeing buddies in the picture are from). From my experience, I would recommend you try to find a Mom and Pop store instead of a chain store since small store owners tend to know more about their product and can offer useful insight. Whatever you do, do not buy a pipe off the internet.

That's top quality customer service.

Now, that you have found a store from which you can buy a pipe, you must find the right pipe! Just think, smoking is a primal ritual intent on developing social bonds and creating a deeper sense of self understanding (like sex, only as I said, much better, and socially acceptable in public) so you really want to make sure the pipe you choose fits you like a glove. The best thing to do when faced with several pipe options is to start grabbing. Seriously, the key thing to remember about a pipe is that it conforms to you so grab anything in site. For guys you want the pipe to sit as comfortable in your palm as your member, of which this is acting as an extension of, and for women… I really have no clue what anatomical part this could relate to, but make sure it feels comfortable. A rule of thumb is that the pipe bowl (the round end part that you stuff the tobacco in) should sit snugly between your thumb and forefinger.

Once you have picked out your new little buddy, you’ll need to get the proper tools to work with him. Here is a quick list of what you should get to start off with:

1. Pipe (duh)

2. Pipe tool: this can range from a $20 item that looks like a Swiss army knife, to a $1.25 item that resembles an oversized nail with a big flat head. The BS team recommends that you go with the cheap one since it is smaller, easier to carry, and works perfectly.

The BS Pick: Cheap, Simple, and Reliable

3. Pipe pouch (Hehe, yeah I know it sounds like a male anatomy joke): This can range widely from $10 to $100+ and greatly depends on what size and versatility you want from the item. Tending to side on the cheap, we went with the $10 one and found it works fine.

This one is a little more elaborate than the one's we use, but you get the picture.

4. Tobacco:  Now this is where the habit pays off. Pipe tobacco is cheap, usually ranging $5-$13 for a 3 oz. bag, which can last you up to 6 months (depending on how much you smoke). Now when it comes to choosing tobacco, let your nose lead the way. Open the bags and sniff. This is another major bonus of pipe smoking, unlike cigarettes, pipe tobacco smells really nice and it smells nice when it’s burning, so those second hand smokers won’t complain as much. Once you have taken a few sniffs just choose the one that you enjoy the most.

Big Bags of Yummy!!!!

4. Matches: From our experience matches work best for pipe smoking. A lighter tends to produce a flame that is too hot and can burn the tobacco to quickly; producing a bad taste. Now, even though I have said that, I have just received a “pipe lighter” that has been designed especially for pipes so I’ll be testing it and let you know how it works.

Prometheus's Gift

So you have gone through ritual of choosing your first pipe, what an experience! Now think of this as the fun, yet tedious, foreplay to get you ready for the main event of smoking the pipe. Smoking should be done with great care and the mood should be just right. For me the perfect time to light up is on a nice cool evening, but that’s me, and you should find a time that works best for you.

Since you have just purchased the little wooden bliss bowl, you’ll need to break it in a little bit, so be gentle. The following tips should help:

1. Rub a small amount of honey on the inside of the bowl. This will give the tobacco something to cling to until a cake of soot has built up in the bowl. It also provides a nice flavor.

2. Stuff the bowl with tobacco. This takes some time to perfect because you don’t want to pack the tobacco too tightly or too loosely. Usually you want the tobacco to be firmly packed, yet springy.

*BS TIP: For the first few times you smoke you will not want a full bowl, I would recommend you fill it around three quarters of the way. This will allow both you and the pipe to adjust to smoking.

Ok, now here comes the good part, the smoke.

Strike up a match

Place the stem of the pipe between your lips, and the bowl comfortable between your thumb and forefinger.

Place the flame on the tobacco in a circular motion

Take long slow puffs to stoke the tobacco.

Relight as needed (Unlike cigarettes, there is no additive to pipe tobacco to keep it from going out so you will have to relight it several times as you smoke.)

ENJOY!!!!!!

AHHHHHH now that’s the stuff. So you now have a pipe, and have started on a path of relaxation and sophisticated indulgence (plus a higher risk of jaw, tongue, and lung cancer… but we’ll ignore that for now). Welcome to the fold.